In This Issue ...

Our Adoption Story

Positive Adoption Language

2008 MARE Recruitment Campaign Needs Your Help!

The 2008 Michigan Heart Gallery Opening

The MARE Website and Families

Calendar of Events

Angela, Age 15
C05820

Angela wants others to know that she is “nice and friendly,” a description echoed by her adoption worker who also adds that Angela is “helpful and demonstrates a genuine care and concern for others.” Angela loves to make others laugh and enjoys playing board games like Monopoly or Sorry. Other favorite activities include skating, swimming, and shopping.

Angela wants very much to be part of a family with “a mom and dad and sisters” who would enjoy activities like going to the beach or shopping.

To inquire about Angela please contact an Intake Worker at (866) 312-8361.

John, Age 14
C05601

John is a happy and friendly child who enjoys reading, playing video games, and playing games with friends. Though he is somewhat quiet by nature, John enjoys helping others and is generally positive and polite around other people. John describes himself as a “very helpful child who is playful, hardworking, and likeable.” He loves being outdoors and describes a perfect day as being filled with fishing and kayaking.

To inquire about John please contact an Intake Worker at (866) 312-8361.

Our son was born in prison. His birth parents had murdered his three other siblings. His father was mentally retarded, his mother was schizophrenic, and records indicate they had substance abuse problems. Our son was first adopted when he was three years old after being cycled through the foster care system. When Jordan came into child protective services he had run away from home. He was picked up by garbage men because he was found eating out of a dumpster. Further investigation found that Jordan was kept in a large dog cage, and was not attending school. I am willing to give the person who did this to him the benefit of the doubt and believe that they kept him in the cage because they felt that he was safest there, and was easier to control. This is the reason why we cage adults in our society (in prison). I for one don't cage either of my two dogs.

The person that adopted Jordan was elderly and had also adopted eight other children. I think Jordan was way too much for her to handle. My son has been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (they are currently trying to rule out Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia).

On the first day Jordan came to our house he was so hyper he couldn't sit still, stand still or lay still. He didn’t want to be with us at all – he wanted to go outside and play with neighborhood children. He was afraid that we were going to sexually molest him and/or abuse him. He wouldn't look us in the eye. I got through to him by saying, “Let’s make a deal. If I do one thing that is wrong or inappropriate, or if you catch me in a lie, or behaving inappropriately to any other people, I give you permission not to trust me. But until then, why don’t you let yourself trust, just this one time.” That seemed to work pretty well.

In the beginning, everything seemed almost like a con game to Jordan. He seemed to be in the mindset of, “Let’s see how much I can get out of these people.” Our son was living at the Whaley Center for Children in Flint (a behavioral center for children who do not have families or do not have families that can handle their behavior). We had visitation on weekends for about five months. When we would bring him back on Sunday night, the first thing he would do is compare what he had gotten with the rest of the children. Our son would say, "I got a hot tub,” and one of his housemates said, "I got a room totally done in Spiderman!" It was not the gratitude that I expected.

At first he did not want to spend any time with us if it didn't involve shopping or going out to eat. He would rather play with strange children in the neighborhood than spend time with us. He would pout if I wanted to go for a ride in the car and talk and show him around. He did not understand what being part of a family was about. I finally said to him, "Maybe you do not want a family. Maybe you would be happier at the Children's Center where there are playmates for you 24/7."

He has walked into people's homes without knocking (luckily, they were understanding friends). When he first came, you could not believe a word he said. He would only tell you what he thought you wanted to hear no matter how false it was. Jordan didn’t know the alphabet, and couldn’t count to 50. For every lie he told, I would make him write the alphabet 10 times. Then, each time he lied after that, the punishment would double. When he mastered the alphabet we moved on to adding and subtracting problems and multiplication tables. He told us that one of the workers had sexually molested him. We reported the story and went through the entire investigation process. A few months later he recanted the story.

It was at this time I met Al Stafford, the DHS investigator who gave me some of the best advice. He told me that to make a child bind to you, you must cause stress and release. Because he has never had a parent to relieve his stress the way a normal child does, you must recreate this and give him this. For instance, if the number of his sentences got to be overwhelming for him, I would come in and say, “Okay, why don’t you sweep the kitchen floor and we’ll cut the number in half,” thereby providing relief from the emotionally stressful time. During the first argument that we had he started to get physical with me, pushing me around and trying to leave the home. When I tried to restrain him from leaving, he threatened to report me for abuse, although all I did was restrain him. I called my adoption agency to tell them about this, and they told me I handled everything okay. I was really scared that they were going to come and take him away from us. I now know that our son was just testing us to see if we would let him go or fight to keep him.

The negative things about the adoption have been oppositional behavior (hitting me in the face one time, threatening to leave, openly defying rules), lying, stealing, and manipulating. There is a need for constant redirection and supervision. One of the hardest things in the beginning was that Jordan didn't sleep. He would go to bed at 10:00 pm and be up by 4:00 am and expect us to be up and entertain him. A lot more supervision is required for a special needs child than other children. At first you are always hyper-vigilant because you are afraid of what they might get into. You are worried that if they get into something or hurt themselves, the child will be taken away from you. It is a lot of pressure.

At first we were dealing with the school almost on a daily basis. In the beginning, Jordan was placed in a program for the cognitively impaired. He was in trouble almost every day. Here it is only December, and he's been suspended from school twice. He's had in-school suspension once. Everything he touched, he would break. Within seconds, he can take a perfectly organized room and make it look like it had been ransacked.

From my view, the positive things have far outweighed the negative. The positive things have been more of an emotional and spiritual nature: the feeling of receiving love from someone who has never loved; the feeling of being trusted by someone who has never trusted. The love and trust seems very different from any other child. With my own biological children it seems that the feeling of liking you is hot and cold. From my Jordan, it is only hot. I receive so much unconditional love from him; he makes me feel that I am a great dad. He tells us that all the time.

In June, Jordan could not read, write, count or do math problems. Teaching a 14-year-old to read, write and count is rewarding in itself. It is measurable and verifiable. Today, Jordan is on the student council. He is an honor roll student. He was selected this month as Student of the Month for his school; he was also the science Student of the Month for physics. Now tell me that’s not rewarding!

Jordan at age 13

Everyone that knows him cannot believe how much he has calmed down since becoming a part of our family. The pediatric psychiatrist believes he will outgrow most of his ADHD behavior. All of his other behaviors have stopped (even the lying). I am adopted. I was adopted by my biological mother’s sister. I went into this adoption from the viewpoint that I want to help another person out, and to “pay it forward” for what my parents had done for me. I never went into the adoption looking for love in return or even a thank you – I was just trying to do the right thing. The most rewarding thing is how much I feel that this child loves us. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as loved or appreciated this much in my entire life. In return, I am also surprised by the depth of my love for this very special child. Maybe it is because he was chosen? Maybe because I know where this child would be without us. This is the miracle of adoption.

Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of
reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you. - Princess Diana

Positive Adoption Language

Words are powerful tools that convey not only facts, but also evoke emotions. Positive adoption lanaguage can help as we work to educate others about adoption. By choosing positive words and phrases, we build up the self-esteem of and relationships with our children, and offer others an opportunity to see the “positive” side of adoption.

2008 Michigan Heart Gallery Opening

Sixty Michigan children now have an extra special chance of finding a permanent family because they were featured in the 2008 Michigan Heart Gallery, which debuted February 14th in the Rotunda of the State Capitol building. The Michigan Heart Gallery, a collection of professionally photographed portraits of children waiting for adoption, is a special project of the Michigan Adoption Resource Exchange (MARE) program. This is the third year for the project, and last year the display was featured in over 75 locations throughout Michigan!
	More than 25 of the children featured in this year’s project stood attended the opening, and each was momentarily awestruck when they saw their portraits on the larger than life display panels that make up the exhibit. Their special day also included VIP nametags, cool Heart Gallery tattoos, and a framed copy of their own Heart Gallery portrait.
Master of Ceremony, Kenyon Kopp, did a great job with the noontime program introducing dignitaries such as the First Gentleman, Daniel Mulhern, and Kate Hanley, Director of Adoption and Permanency Service for the State of Michigan. But the true stars of the show were the children themselves who all expressed the same Valentine’s wish….a family to love and accept them for who they are. For more information about The Michigan Heart Gallery, check out our web site at www.miheart.org

The MARE Website and Families

MARE’s website contains an abundance of information and services for families interested in adoption and foster care - and the website is growing with new information every day! Several of our current services to families include:

The “Satisfaction Survey of Agency Services, ” which recounts the experiences families have had with Michigan adoption agencies, and asks questions such as:

• Did this agency work with you in a prompt, courteous and professional manner?
• Are you satisfied with the sevices the agency provided to you?
• Were there barriers to your ability to become a foster or adoptive parent and if so, what were they?

The “Satisfaction Survey of MARE Services” asks families to tell of their experrience in contacting the MARE office by asking questions such as:

• Do you feel your questions or concerns were addressed promptly and courteously? If no, why not?
• Did you feel you received adequate information to answer your questions or address your concerns? If no, why not?
• Was there other information you feel would have been helpful? If yes, what do you think would have been helpful?

The results of these surveys will be posted once every quarter, once a minimum of ten (10) completed surveys are received.

Families with completed adoption homestudies or Family Assessments (not foster care licenses) can register with MARE’s Family Database. MARE’s Family Database will be a valuable tool as you work towards building your family through adoption. Once a month we will provide you with a list of children for which your family could be a resource.

While any studied and approved Michigan family is eligible to register, it is important to remember the children who wait:

• Children over the age of five; Caucasian children over the age of eight;
• Children of minority background;
• Children who are part of a sibling group; and
• Children who have emotional, mental, physical and/or learning impairments.

We encourage Michigan families who register to be willing to consider at least two of the criteria listed above. You can find the MARE Family Database here.

Families can also register with MARE’s Family Website, a companion to our children’s photolisting site. For more information, please contact the MARE webmaster at webmaster@mare.org

Our newest feature, to be available later in March, is a registry for Michigan families that do not have an adoption homestudy and are not currently working with an adoption agency (or perhaps are looking for another agency to work with). The information provided by families will be made available to adoption workers around the state that are looking for families to study for foster care and/or adoption, who will meet the needs of their waiting children.  Workers will be able to search the registry and contact families only via the MARE office (to protect families’ privacy and identities, no identifying contact information will be made available on the website).  The information shared by families is voluntary, but the more information provided, the better workers will understand your family and the type of child or children you hope to foster or adopt. We will let everyone know when that new registry is available!

Adoption and Foster Care Training Opportunities

Please note: RR = Registration required; please call in advance.

ALLEGAN / OTTAWA COUNTIES

• Post-Adoption / Parent Mentor / Foster Care Training. Catholic Charities West Michigan, meeting at the Herrick District Library, 300 S. River, Holland. (231) 726-1210. April 3; May 15; June 12 (THUR) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
• Ottawa County Foster Care Network. Specialized trainings and presentations. Pathways, MI, 412 Century Lane, Holland. (616) 396-0623 ext 122. RR
            "Understanding Child Sexual Abuse” March 20 (THUR) 6:00 - 8:30 pm
            “Independent Living” April 17 (THUR) 3:00 - 4:00 pm
• Adoption and Foster Care Orientation. Bethany Christian Services, 12048 James St., Holland. (616) 396-0623. April 7; May 5; June 2 (MON) 6:00 - 9:00 pm RR - Orientation limited to families currently working with Bethany Christian Services
• Adoption Information Meeting - International Adoption. Bethany Christian Services, meeting at the Warner Baird District Library, 123 E. Exchange St., Spring Lake. (616) 796-9198. April 17 (THURS) 6:30 - 8:30 pm RR
• Adoption Information Meeting - International Adoption. Bethany Christian Services, meeting at the Ridgewood Christian Reformed Church, 1571 Baldwin, Jenison. (616) 796-9198. June 12 (THURS) 6:30 - 8:30 pm RR
• Adoption Information Meeting - International Adoption. Bethany Christian Services, 12048 James St., Holland. (517) 336-0191. May 12 (MON) 6:30 - 8:30 pm

INGHAM COUNTY

• Adoption Orientation. St. Vincent Catholic Charities, 2800 W. Willow, Lansing. (517) 323-4734 ext. 1619. March 18; April 15; May 20; June 17 (TUE) 6:00 - 8:00 pm
• Adoption Information Meeting - Domestic Adoption. Bethany Christian Services, 1151 Michigan Ave., Ste. 108, East Lansing. (517) 336-0191. March 27, April 24; May 22; June 26 (THUR) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
• Adoption Information Meeting - International Adoption. Bethany Christian Services, 1151 Michigan Ave., Ste. 108, East Lansing. (517) 336-0191. May 8 (THUR) 6:30 - 8:30 pm

JACKSON COUNTY

• Adoption and Foster Care Informational Meeting. Family Service & Children’s Aid, 330 W. Michigan Ave., Jackson. (517) 787-7920. April 9; May 14; June 11 (WED) 9:00 am - 12:00 pm April 9; May 14; June 11 (WED) 5:00 - 8:00 pm

KALAMAZOO COUNTY

• PRIDE Foster Care and Adoption Training. RR, Class size is limited. Training limited to families currently working with the following Kalamazoo County agencies: Kalamazoo DHS, Bethany Christian Services, Family & Children Services, and Lutheran Social Services.
  Session 1 & 2. Kalamazoo County DHS, 322 E. Stockbridge Ave., Kalamazoo. (269) 337-5070. May 1 (THUR) 5:00 - 9:00 pm
  Session 3. Family & Children Services, 1608 Lake St., Kalamazoo. (269) 373-0248 ext. 260. May 12 (MON) 5:30 - 8:30 pm
  Session 4. Family & Children Services, 1608 Lake St., Kalamazoo. (269) 373-0248 ext. 260. May 19 (MON) 5:30 - 8:30 pm
  Session 5. Bethany Christian Services, 6687 Seeco Dr., Kalamazoo. (269) 372-8800. April 14; June 9 (MON) 5:30 - 8:30 pm
  Session 6. Bethany Christian Services, 6687 Seeco Dr., Kalamazoo. (269) 372-8800. April 21; June 16 (MON) 5:30 - 8:30 pm
  Session 5 & 6. Bethany Christian Services, 6687 Seeco Dr., Kalamazoo. (269) 372-8800. April 9; June 4 (WED) 9:00 am - 3:30 pm
  Session 7. Lutheran Social Services, 3234 Westnedge Ave., Kalamazoo. (269) 345-5776. April 23 (WED) 5:30 - 8:30 pm; June 25 (WED) 9:00 am - 10:00 pm
  Session 8. Lutheran Social Services, 3234 Westnedge Ave., Kalamazoo. (269) 345-5776. April 24 (THUR) 5:30 - 8:30 pm; June 25 (WED) 1:00 - 4:00 pm
  Session 9. Kalamazoo County DHS, 322 E. Stockbridge Ave., Kalamazoo. (269) 337-5070. March 19 (WED) 9:00 am - 12:00 pm; May 8 (THUR) 5:30 - 8:30 pm
• Adoption Information Meeting - International Adoption. Bethany Christian Services, 6687 Seeco Dr., Kalamazoo. (269) 372-8800. March 20; April 17; May 15; June 19 (THUR) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
• Adoption Information Meeting - Infant Adoption. Bethany Christian Services, 6687 Seeco Dr., Kalamazoo. (269) 372-8800. March 24 ; May 19 (MON) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
• Adoption Information Meeting - Foster Care Adoption. Bethany Christian Services, 6687 Seeco Dr., Kalamazoo. (269) 372-8800. March 24; May 5; June 2 (MON) 5:00 - 8:00 pm

KENT COUNTY

• PRIDE Adoptive Parent Training. Bethany Christian Services, 901 Eastern Ave., NE, Grand Rapids. (616) 224-7481. RR
  Orientation May 6 (TUES) 6:00 - 8:30 pm
  Session 1 & Rules May 8 (THUR) 6:00 - 9:00 pm
  Session 2 May 13 (TUES) 6:00 - 9:00 pm
  Session 3 May 15 (THUR) 6:00 - 9:00 pm
  Session 4 May 20 (TUES) 6:00 - 9:00 pm
  Sessions 5 & 7 May 22 (TUE) 9:00 am - 4:00 pm
  Sessions 6 & 8 May 27 (TUES) 6:00 - 9:00 pm
• Adoption Information Meeting - International Adoption. Bethany Christian Services, 901 Eastern Ave., NE, Grand Rapids. (616) 574-7919. March 18; May 20 (TUE) 6:30 - 8:30 pm April 18; June 20 (FRI) 1:00 - 3:00 pm
• Adoption Information Meeting - Foster Care Adoption. Bethany Christian Services, 901 Eastern Ave., NE, Grand Rapids. (616) 574-7919. April 7; May 5; June 2 (MON) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
• Adoption Orientation. Catholic Charities, 40 Jefferson, SE, Grand Rapids. (616) 356-6263. March 20; May 15 (THUR) 6:00 - 8:00 pm RR
• Foster Care Orientation. Bethany Christian Services, 901 Eastern Ave., NE, Grand Rapids. (616) 574-7919. April 8; June 3 (TUE) 6:00 - 8:30 pm RR
• Therapeutic Crisis Intervention. Bethany Christian Services, 901 Eastern Ave., NE, Grand Rapids. (616) 224-7481. RR
  Session 1. March 20 (THUR) 6:00 - 9:00 pm May 31 (SAT) 9:00 am - 12:00 pm
  Session 2. March 25 (TUES) 6:00 - 9:00 pm May 31 (SAT) 1:00 - 4:00 pm
  Session 3. March 27 (THUR) 6:00 - 9:00 pm June 5 (THUR) 6:00 - 9:00 pm
• Adoption and Foster Care Orientation. D.A. Blodgett Services, 805 Leonard St., NE, Grand Rapids. (616) 774-7632. April 14; May 12; June 9 (MON) 7:00 - 9:00 pm

MUSKEGON COUNTY

• Adoption Orientation - International Adoption. Bethany Christian Services, 1848 E. Sherman Blvd, Ste. 1, Muskegon. (231) 733-1618. April 1; May 6; June 3 (TUE) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
• Child Abuse and Neglect Training. Catholic Social Services, 1095 Third St., Ste. 125, Muskegon. (231) 726-1210. April 15 (TUE) 4:00 - 6:30 pm

OAKLAND COUNTY

• Adoption Information Meeting. Orchards Children’s Services, 30215 Southfield Rd., Southfield. (248) 593-2197. March 18; April 15; May 20; June 17 (TUES) 10:00 - 11:30 am April 1; May 6; June 3 (TUES) 6:30 - 8:00 pm RR
• Adoption Information Meeting. Lutheran Adoption Service, 21700 Northwestern Hwy., Ste. 1490, Southfield. (248) 423-2770 ext. 1117. March 18; May 20 (TUES); March 20 (THURS) 6:00 - 8:00 pm
• Adoption Orientation. St. Francis Family Center/CSS Oakland, 17500 W. Eight Mile Rd., Southfield. (248) 552-0750 ext. 221. May 6 (TUES) 5:30 - 7:30 pm RR
• Adoption Information Meeting. Bethany Christian Services, 30685 Barrington St., Ste. 140, Madison Heights. (248) 414-4080. April 14; May 12; June 9 (MON) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
• PRIDE Orientation and Adoption Training. Lutheran Adoption Service, 21700 Northwestern Hwy., Ste. 1490, Southfield. (248) 423-2770 ext. 1117. March 22; March 29 (SAT) 9:00 am - 4:30 pm May 15; May 22; May 29; June 5; June 12 (THUR) 6:00 - 9:00 pm RR - Training limited to families currently working with Lutheran Adoption Service
• PRIDE Orientation and Adoption Training. St. Francis Family Center/CSS Oakland, 17500 W. Eight Mile Rd., Southfield. (248) 552-0750 ext. 242. April 8 (TUES) 5:00 - 9:00 pm RR - Training limited to families currently working with St. Francis Family Center
• PRIDE Orientation and Foster Care Training. St. Francis Family Center/CSS Oakland, 17500 W. Eight Mile Rd., Southfield. (248) 552-0750 ext. 235. April 2 (WED); April 15 (TUES); June 11 (WED) 5:00 - 9:00 pm RR
  

WASHTENAW COUNTY

• Adoption Information Meeting. Hands Across the Water, 2890 Carpenter Rd, Ste. 600, Ann Arbor. (734) 477-0135. April 8; May 13; June 10 (TUES) 7:00 - 9:00 pm
• Adoption Information Meeting. Catholic Social Services of Washtenaw, 4925 Packard, Ann Arbor. (734) 971-9781 ext. 322. April 9; May 14; June 11 (WED) 5:00 - 7:00 pm
• Adoption Information Meeting. Children’s Hope International, 1100 North Main, Ann Arbor. (734) 624-6831. April 13; May 11; June 8 (SUN) 3:00 - 5:00 pm
  

WAYNE COUNTY

• Foster Care Orientation. Judson Center, 23750 Elmira, Redford. (313) 794-5653 ext. 2016. March 20; April 17; May 15; June 19 (THUR) 10:00 am - 1:00 pm April 3; May 1; June 5 (THUR) 6:00 - 9:00 pm RR
• Adoption and Foster Care Orientation. Evergreen Children’s Service, 1041 W. Seven Mile, Detroit. (313) 862-1000. April 2; May 7; June 4 (WED) 9:00 am - 12:30 pm April 2; May 7; June 4 (WED) 5:30 - 9:00 pm

MARE is a program of Family Service & Children’s Aid of Jackson, Michigan, and is funded by the Michigan Department of Human Services