In This Issue ...

three little words

New MARE Family Registry

Family Satisfaction Surveys

MSU Research Study

Summertime Events for the Whole Family!

Adoption and Foster Care Training Opportunities

Adriania, Age 13
C05453

Adriania is bright and articulate and loves to express herself through drawing, writing, and singing. She is particularly interested in drawing Anime characters and has developed her own elaborate characters and stories. Adriania also enjoys staying active by playing sports and is particularly fond of soccer. Another strength of Adriania is that she has a willingness to be open to new experiences and activities.

Adriania is very intelligent, and is capable of academic success with proper support to help keep her motivated and focused.

To inquire about Adriania please contact an Intake Worker at (866) 312-8361.

Daymon, Age 13
C05670

Daymon can be a polite and friendly child and often demonstrates remarkable leadership skills. He easily engages in conversation and is able to get along well with people of all ages and backgrounds. Daymon wants people to know that he is a “good kid who is kind and generous.” He loves to be active and enjoys playing sports like football and basketball. He also enjoys taking Karate which teaches him to channel his emotions in a positive manner. Daymon also enjoys attending church and would enjoy the opportunity of participating in a choir in the future.

Daymon is a good student and especially enjoys math and gym. He hopes to attend college in the future, with plans of becoming an engineer.

To inquire about Daymon please contact an Intake Worker at (866) 312-8361.

Thus began years of foster care with a variety of families, punctuated by sporadic visits from her mother. “Sunshine, you’re my baby and I’m your only mother. You must listen to the one taking care of you, but she’s not your mama,” she would say. “Never forget, I’m the only mama who will love you forever and ever.” She promised to come back for visits - soon. She promised to take Ashley home - soon.

When she did return for visits, Ashley’s mother was often ladden with gifts of clothing and toys. One visit yielded an Easy Bake oven that allowed mother and daughter to make a cake together before the visit ended. The oven, however, ended up in “storage” at the foster home - a locked shed out back where all the nice toys and clothing were kept - and Ashley never saw it again. She talks about the oven frequently in the book, and it becomes a symbol of the relationship between herself and her birth mother - out there somewhere, locked up, rarely seen, seldom used. Years later, when Ashley had a chance to reconnect, her birth mother gifted her with a second Easy Bake oven for her 14th birthday. Too old to play with the toy, she still used it - to share the experience with her adoptive mother.

The foster homes Ashley lived in ran the gamut from wonderful and loving, to cruel and horrific. While most names had been changed in the story, one foster family stands out - Charles and Marjorie Moss. Ashley used their exact names because the story of their abusive foster home made headlines. Accused of beating and starving their foster children, force-feeding them hot sauce, and making them squat for hours as punishment, the Mosses plead guilty to one count of child neglect. They received probation and had to surrender their foster care license. They also voluntarily gave up parental rights to the children they had adopted.

Ashley never gives up the hope that her mother will come and take her home, soon - just as she had promised time and again. Even after Ashley is adopted by the Courters - Gay, an author and her husband Phil, a filmmaker - she still shares that unbreakable bond with her birth mother. Even when adopted, Ashley retains a piece of her past and that connection to her mother by blending her old and new life together, choosing the name Rhodes-Courter.

When the time comes to finalize the adoption, the day is filled with stress, sadness and doubt. Those around Ashley mistake her anger and frustration for fear and nervousness; her caseworker pats her head and says, “Where’s that smile of yours? This is the happiest day of your life!” Her fear that her new adoptive family didn’t really love her prompted her to say, “I guess so” when asked by the judge if she wanted to be adopted. Three little words that defined that moment in her life - meaning so much more than she could share, and so much less than she intended. Three little words, and it was all over.

Ashley’s powerful, emotional story is more than just her personal journey through the child welfare system; it is also about the very experience of being a child in the system. She tells the foster care and adoption story from the side seldom seen or acknowledged - the child. She talks about the things those of us on the outside can’t quite comprehend or understand: the strong, lifetime connection to birth family; the underlying desire to go back home, even in the face of the knowledge that that won’t happen; the need to taken care of and cared for; the fear of being rejected so strong that rejecting others first becomes a survival behavior. In her story is the story of every child that has ever spent time in the system.

At the end of her story, Ashley recounts how many people had been “responsible” for her life, including:
• 73 child welfare administrators
• 44 child welfare caseworkers
• 23 attorneys
• 19 foster parents
• 17 psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists
• 5 Guardian ad Litem staff
• 4 judges
• 2 primary caseworkers
• 1 Guardian ad Litem

The book, “three little words” is available to borrow through the MARE lending library. Please contact MARE at 800-589-6273, or email at webmaster@mare.org for more information.

You can learn more about Ashley Rhodes-Courter at her website: www.rhodes-courter.com

New MARE Family Registry is Up and Running - and Looking for Families!

Lots of families are interested in adoption. The first - and often most difficult - step in the process is finding an agency to work with. In an effort to make the process easier, we have recently unveiled our newest MARE Family Registry for Michigan families that do not have an adoption homestudy and are not currently working with an adoption agency (or perhaps are looking for another agency to work with). The information provided by families will be made available to adoption workers around the state that are looking for families to study for foster care and/or adoption, who will meet the needs of their waiting children.  Workers will be able to search the registry and contact families only via the MARE office (to protect families’ privacy and identities, no identifying contact information will be made available on the website).  The information shared by families is voluntary, but the more information provided, the better workers will understand your family and the type of child or children you hope to foster or adopt. You can check it out and register here:

www.mare.org/Registry/Registry.html

Families with completed adoption homestudies or Family Assessments (not foster care licenses) are also still encouraged to register with MARE. Our Family Registry is a valuable tool as you work towards building your family through adoption. Twice a month we will provide you and your adoption worker with a list of children for which your family could be a resource.

While any studied and approved Michigan family is eligible to register, it is important to remember the children who wait:

• Children over the age of five; Caucasian children over the age of eight;
• Children of minority background;
• Children who are part of a sibling group; and
• Children who have emotional, mental, physical and/or learning impairments.

You can find the MARE Family Registry for studied and approved families here:

www.mare.org/Forms/familyreg.html

Studied and approved families can also register with MARE’s Family Website, a companion to our children’s photolisting site. You can register on the MARE Website here:

www.mare.org/Forms/FamWebform-family.html

Family Satisfaction Surveys - We Need Your Help!

MARE’s two new family surveys - one for Michigan adoption agencies, and the other for MARE services - are important tools in helping us to better understand the needs of families interested in foster care and/or adoption, and to continue to provide the best possible services to these families. All information is voluntary; please do not answer any question you feel is inappropriate. The information you provide will only be used to maintain or enhance the quality of the MARE program and its services to families. Your identity will be kept completely confidential.

The “Satisfaction Survey of Agency Services” recounts the experiences families have had with Michigan adoption agencies, and asks questions such as:

• Did this agency work with you in a prompt, courteous and professional manner?
• Are you satisfied with the sevices the agency provided to you?
• Were there barriers to your ability to become a foster or adoptive parent and if so, what were they?

You can complete the Agency Survey here:

www.mare.org/survey-agency.html

The “Satisfaction Survey of MARE Services” asks families to share their experience in contacting the MARE office by asking questions such as:

• Do you feel your questions or concerns were addressed promptly and courteously?
• Did you feel you received adequate information to answer your questions or address your concerns?
• Was there other information you feel would have been helpful?

You can complete the MARE Survey here:

www.mare.org/survey-mare.html

The results of these surveys will be posted on MARE’s website once every quarter, once a minimum of ten (10) completed surveys are received.

Attention Adoptive Couples: You are Invited to Participate in an MSU Research Study

From the Michigan State University (MSU) School of Social Work:

Please consider participating in a research study involving post-adoptive couples. This project is part of a multi-year “Strengthening Marriages and the Well-Being of Children” federal grant, which the Michigan State University School of Social Work received from the Children’s Bureau in Washington DC. Data from the survey will be used to inform development of a marriage curriculum for adoptive parents. MSU’s partners in the project include:

• Michigan Federation for Children and Families
• Michigan Department of Human Service
• Michigan Association for Foster, Adoptive and Kinship Parents
• McKenzie Consulting

As part of the grant work plan, focus groups have already been held around the state with adoptive couples and adoption professionals. The focus groups provided unique information about the relationships of adoptive parents as well as the challenges they face when maintaining these relationships. Also planned are in-depth interviews with couples and professionals to obtain a richer understanding of adoptive couples’ experiences.

Recently, the Michigan State University School of Social Work, in collaboration with the Michigan Federation for Children and Families and its member agencies, sent out surveys to approximately 1,300 adoptive couples across the state.

If you received a survey in the mail, we ask that you complete it and return it as soon as possible. Your involvement is totally voluntary, and your response is confidential to the fullest extent of the law. Several protocols are in place to protect the confidentiality and rights of all participants.

If you have not received a survey in the mail and would like to participate, a copy of the cover letter, informed consent document, and survey can be found on the Michigan Federation website at http://www.michfed.org – Click on Survey, found in the left-hand column. Please be sure to read the informed consent document before you decide to complete the survey.

Please send completed surveys to the following address:

Research Office 106C
School of Social Work
Michigan State University
254 Baker Hall
East Lansing, MI 48824-9902

Thank you for considering participating in this research study. If you have any questions, please contact Dr. John Mooradian, Principal Investigator for this project in the Michigan State University School of Social Work, at mooradi1@msu.edu or (517) 353-9745.

Summertime Events for the Whole Family

Families on the Move, Inc. 11th Annual Family Adoption Camp August 22 - 24, 2008 Share family experiences and resources Learn how to have family meetings Solve conflicts and bond with other families Talk about your feelings and adoption issues Spend time and mentor other youth and families Family education sessions Spend time together and make memories Enjoy fishing and waterfront activites Three meals a day in a peaceful setting

Deadline for registration is July 15, 2008! Space is limited, so register early! Cost is $200 per person, and includes meals, transportation, lodging and training. Contact your DHS Adoption Subsidy worker for possible funding. Please contact Veda Thompkins at 313-532-0012 for more information.

Lenawee County Foster and Adoptive Parent Association 9th Annual Foster & Adoptive Family Camp July 25 - 27, 2008 Come join us for a weekend of food, fun, networking and relaxation. This parent-run camp was created to support and build networks for foster and adoptive families, and to find homes for waiting children. This camp provides foster and adoptive families with the opportunity to relax, enjoy outdoor activities and build networks with other families.

Friday is Family Day. Be ready to join in and share a talent. We will have a talent show Friday evening to show off your creativity. Bring your imagination to entertain us! Saturday is Foster Parent Appreciation Day. All foster parents (past and present) will receive a certificate of appreciation and door prize tickets. This is a alcohol free event. Families must have their own camping equipment (tent, sleeping bags, campers, etc.) Equipment will not be available. There are a limited number of spaces for tents and campers, so early registration is strongly recommended. Cost: $30.00 per family; $20.00 per family (Saturday only) Confirmation cards will be sent. Make reservations by calling LCFAPA at 517-456-7355.

Adoption and Foster Care Training Opportunities

Please note: RR = Registration required; please call in advance.

ALLEGAN / OTTAWA COUNTIES

• Adoption and Foster Care Orientation. Holland. (616) 396-0623. July 7; Aug. 4; Sept. 1 (MON) 6:00 - 9:00 pm. RR - Orientation limited to families who wish to or are currently working with Bethany Christian Services
• International Adoption Information Meeting. Spring Lake. (616) 796-9198. Aug. 14; Sept. 11 (THUR) 6:30 - 8:30 pm RR
• International Adoption Information Meeting. Holland. (616) 796-9198. July 14; Sept. 15 (MON) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
• International Adoption Information Meeting. Jenison. (616) 667-0921. July 15; Aug. 19; Sept. 16 (TUE) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
• Post-Adoption / Parent Mentor / Foster Care Training. Holland. (231) 726-1210. July 10; Aug. 14; Sept. 11 (THUR) 6:30 - 8:30 pm

CALHOUN COUNTY

• Infant and International Adoption Information Meeting. Marshall. (517) 327-1388. July 15 (TUE) 7:00 - 9:00 pm RR

GRAND TRAVERSE COUNTY

• Adoption and Foster Care Information Meeting. Traverse City. (231) 995-0870. July 8; Aug. 12 (TUE) 1:00 - 4:00 pm; Sept. 9 (TUE) 6:00 - 9:00 pm RR
• Infant Adoption Information Meeting. Traverse City. (231) 995-0870. July 8 (TUE) 6:00 - 8:00 pm; Sept. 9 (TUE) 10:00 am - 12:00 pm RR
• International Adoption Information Meeting. Traverse City. (231) 275-6440. Aug. 14; Sept. 11 (TUE) 1:00 - 3:00 pm RR

INGHAM COUNTY

• Adoption Orientation. Lansing. (517) 323-4734 ext. 1619. July 15; Aug. 19; Sept. 16 (TUE) 6:00 - 8:00 pm
• Domestic Adoption Information Meeting. East Lansing. (517) 336-0191. July 24; Aug. 28; Sept. 25 (THUR) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
• International Adoption Information Meeting. East Lansing. (517) 336-0191. July 10; Sept. 11 (THUR) 6:30 - 8:30 pm RR
• International Adoption Information Meeting. Lansing. (517) 327-1388. Sept. 16 (TUE) 7:00 - 9:00 pm RR

JACKSON COUNTY

• Adoption and Foster Care Information Meeting. Jackson. (517) 787-7920. July 9; Aug. 13; Sept. 10 (WED) 9:00 am - 12:00 pm OR 5:00 - 8:00 pm

KALAMAZOO COUNTY

• PRIDE Foster Care and Adoption Training. RR, Class size is limited. Training limited to families currently working with the following Kalamazoo County agencies: Kalamazoo DHS, Bethany Christian Services, Family & Children Services, and Lutheran Social Services.
  Session 1 & 2. Kalamazoo. (269) 337-5070 Aug. 6 (THUR) 9:00 am - 1:00 pm
  Session 3 & 4. Kalamazoo. (269) 373-0248 ext. 260 Aug. 18 (MON) 9:00 am - 3:30 pm
  Session 5 & 6. Kalamazoo. (269) 372-8800 Sept. 3 (WED) 9:00 am - 3:30 pm
  Session 7 & 8. Kalamazoo. (269) 345-5776 Sept. 17 (WED) 9:00 am - 4:00 pm
  Session 9. Kalamazoo. (269) 337-5070 Aug. 6 (WED) 1:00 - 4:00 pm
• International Adoption Information Meeting. Kalamazoo. (269) 372-8800. July 17; Aug. 21; Sept. 18 (THUR) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
• Infant Adoption Information Meeting. Kalamazoo. (269) 372-8800. July 28; Sept. 22 (MON) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
• Adoption Information Meeting. Kalamazoo. (269) 372-8800. July 7; Aug. 4 (MON) 5:00 - 8:00 pm

KENT COUNTY

• PRIDE Adoptive Parent Training. Grand Rapids. (616) 451-2021. RR
  Session 1 & 2 July 10 (THUR) 6:30 - 9:30 pm; Sept. 18 (THUR) 6:30 - 9:30 pm
  Session 3 July 17 (THUR) 6:30 - 9:30 pm; Sept. 25 (THUR) 6:30 - 9:30 pm
  Session 4 July 31 (THUR) 6:30 - 9:30 pm
  Session 5 Aug. 7 (THUR) 6:30 - 9:30 pm
  Session 6 July 24 (THUR) 6:30 - 9:30 pm
  Session 7 Aug. 14 (THUR) 6:30 - 9:30 pm
  Session 8 Aug. 21 (THUR) 6:30 - 9:30 pm
• PRIDE Adoptive Parent Training. Grand Rapids. (616) 224-7481. RR
  Session 1 & Rules July 11 (FRI) 9:00 am - 4:00 pm; Sept. 11 (THUR) 6:00 - 9:00 pm
  Sessions 3 & 4 July 12 (SAT) 9:00 am - 4:00 pm
  Session 2 Sept. 16 (TUE) 6:00 - 9:00 pm
  Session 3 Sept. 18 (THUR) 6:00 - 9:00 pm
  Session 4 Sept. 23 (TUE) 6:00 - 9:00 pm
  Sessions 5 & 7 July 15 (TUE) 6:00 pm - 9:00 pm; Sept. 25 (THUR) 6:00 - 9:00 pm
  Sessions 6 & 8 July 17 (THUR) 6:00 - 9:00 pm; Sept. 30 (TUES) 6:00 - 9:00 pm
• Adoption and Foster Care Orientation. Grand Rapids. (616) 774-7632. July 14; Aug. 11; Sept. 8 (MON) 7:00 - 9:00 pm
• Adoption Information Meeting. Grand Rapids. (616) 224-7481. July 8; Sept. 8 (MON) 6:00 - 8:30 pm RR
• Adoption Orientation. Grand Rapids. (616) 356-6263. July 17; Sept. 18 (THUR); Aug. 13 (WED) 6:00 - 8:00 pm RR
• Adoption Training Series. Grand Rapids. (616) 774-0199.
  Informational Session Sept. 9 (TUE) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
  Parent Panel Sept. 16 (TUE) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
  Separation, Loss and Attachment Sept. 23 (TUE) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
  Behavioral Challenges Sept. 30 (TUE) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
• Domestic Adoption Information Meeting. Grand Rapids. (616) 224-7481. Aug. 4 (MON) 6:30 - 8:30 pm RR
• Foster Care Orientation. Grand Rapids. (616) 356-6263. July 15; Aug. 19 (TUE) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
• Foster Care Orientation. Grand Rapids. (616) 224-7481. Aug. 5; Sept. 16 (TUE) 6:00 - 8:30 pm RR
• International Adoption Information Meeting. Grand Rapids. (616) 574-7919. July 15; Sept. 16 (TUE) 6:30 - 8:30 pm; Aug. 15 (FRI) 1:00 - 3:00 pm
• Therapeutic Crisis Intervention. Grand Rapids. (616) 224-7481 .RR
  Session 1 July 22 (TUE) 6:00 - 9:00 pm
  Session 2 July 24 (THUR) 6:00 - 9:00 pm
  Session 3 July 29 (TUE) 6:00 - 9:00 pm

MUSKEGON COUNTY

• International Adoption Information Meeting. Muskegon. (231) 733-1618. July 1; Aug. 5; Sept. 2 (TUE) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
• PRIDE Adoptive Parent Training. Muskegon (231) 726-4735. RR
  Sessions 1 & 2 July 21 (MON) 5:00 - 9:00 pm
  Sessions 3 & 4 July 22 (TUE) 5:00 - 9:00 pm
  Sessions 4 & 6 July 29 (TUE) 5:00 - 9:00 pm

OAKLAND COUNTY

• Adoption Information Meeting. Southfield. (248) 593-2197. July 1; Aug. 5; Sept. 2 (TUE) 6:30 - 8:00 pm; July 15; Aug. 19; Sept. 16 (TUE) 10:00 - 11:30 am RR
• Adoption Information Meeting. Royal Oak. (248) 483-5484. July 17 (THUR) 7:00 - 9:00 pm RR
• Adoption Information Meeting. Southfield. (248) 423-2770 ext. 1101. July 15; Sept. 16 (TUE) 6:00 - 8:00 pm
• Adoption Information Meeting. Madison Heights. (248) 414-4080. July 14; Aug. 11; Sept. 8 (MON) 6:30 - 8:30 pm
• Adoption Orientation. Southfield. (248) 552-0750 ext. 221. Aug. 5 (TUE) 5:30 - 7:30 pm
• International & Domestic Adoption Information Meeting. West Bloomfield. (248) 592-2343. July 16; Aug. 20; Sept. 17 (WED) 7:00 - 9:00 pm RR
• International & Domestic Adoption Information Meeting. Farmington Hills. (248) 474-0990. July 29; Sept. 16 (TUE) 7:00 - 9:00 pm
• International Adoption Information Meeting. Madison Heights. (248) 414-4080. July 15; Aug. 19; Sept. 16 (TUE) 6:30 - 8:30 pm RR
• PRIDE Orientation and Adoption Training. Southfield. (248) 552-0750 ext. 242. July 8; July 15 (TUE) 5:00 - 9:00 pm RR
• PRIDE Orientation and Foster Care Training. Southfield. (248) 552-0750 ext. 235. July 2; Sept. 3 (WED) 5:00 - 9:00 pm RR
• PRIDE Adoption Training. Southfield. (248) 423-2770 ext. 1101. Aug. 9; Aug. 16 (SAT) 9:00 am - 4:30 pm RR

SAGINAW COUNTY

• Infant and International Adoption Information Meeting. Saginaw. (989) 497-5437. Aug. 18 (TUE) 7:00 - 9:00 pm RR

WASHTENAW COUNTY

• International and Domestic Adoption Information Meeting. Ann Arbor. (734) 477-0135. July 8; Aug. 12; Sept. 9 (TUE) 7:00 - 9:00 pm
• Adoption Information Meeting. Ann Arbor. (734) 971-9781 ext. 322. July 9; Aug. 13; Sept. 10 (WED) 5:00 - 7:00 pm
• International Adoption Information Meeting. Ann Arbor. (734) 624-6831. July 13; Aug. 10 (SUN) 3:00 - 5:00 pm
• Foster Parent Orientation. Ann Arbor. (800) 443-9959. July 17; Aug. 21; Sept. 18 (THUR) RR

WAYNE COUNTY

• Adoption and Foster Care Orientation. Detroit. (313) 862-1000. July 2; Sept. 3 (WED) 9:00 am - 12:30 pm; July 2; Aug. 6; Sept. 3 (WED) 5:30 - 9:00 pm
• Adoption Information Meeting. Detroit. (313) 883-2298. July 19 (SAT) 9:30 am - 12:30 pm RR
• Adoption Orientation. Redford. (313) 794-5653 ext. 2036. July 9; Aug. 6; Sept. 3 (WED) 6:00 - 8:00 pm RR
• Foster Care Orientation. Redford. (313) 794-5653 ext. 2016. July 10; Aug. 7; Sept. 4 (THUR) 6:00 - 9:00 pm; July 17; Aug. 21; Sept. 18 (THUR) 10:00 am - 1:00 pm RR
• PRIDE Adoptive Parent Training. Redford. (800) 443-9959. RR
  Sessions 1, 2 & 3 July 19 (SAT) 9:00 am - 4:00 pm; Aug. 29 (FRI) 9:00 am - 4:00 pm; Sept. 19 (FRI) 9:00 am - 4:00 pm
  Sessions 4 & 6 July 26 (SAT) 9:00 am - 4:00 pm; Aug. 30 (SAT) 9:00 am - 4:00 pm; Sept. 26 (FRI) 9:00 am - 4:00 pm

MARE is a program of Family Service & Children’s Aid of Jackson, Michigan, and is funded by the Michigan Department of Human Services